Hey guys (girls?).
After talking with a friend of mine the other day, I felt like there was something I needed to say. For her benefit as well as mine. I didn’t think it was complete, or honestly very good. But apparently it helped her. So maybe it will help you too. My work in progress.
Lately I feel like there has been a lot that I want to say. I just don’t know what it is. I feel like I’m at a point in my life where something big needs to happen. I don’t need to win the lottery, or get married (although that would be nice). I need to realize something. I need to figure out what is going to make me feel better. more confident. Sure of myself. Normally, I write something that makes complete and utter sense and I feel relieved. Smart. Put together. And for the life of me, I can’t compose anything comprehendible. I sit here and I stare at the blank screen. Thinking that maybe since I took out my computer the answer will come to me, in a flash. But clearly, as this paragraph shows, I’m still a rambling disaster.
I had breakfast this morning with 2 of my friends, new friends (YES I have made friends!), and I think something is starting to come together. I realized that what makes me come alive, what inspires me, is the bond I have with other people. Knowing that somebody else out there understands where I’m coming from and what I mean makes it all the more easier to write. Its like I’m talking to them, although they don’t know it. And I think that’s what its time to do. Talk to you.
My friend, I completely understand what you’re going through. Females are pulled in so many directions sometimes I don’t understand how we do not have 8 limbs like an octopus. Because 4 is not cutting it. But 4 must work, because 4 is all we have. I watch you contemplate the next piece of your life, and it inspires me to face the music, if you will, in my own world. You don’t know what to do, or maybe you do and you don’t want to admit it. And I think that’s a common denominator between our sex. We always know what we should do. What would make us happy. It’s the oldest tale in the book. But somehow, we don’t. We can’t allow ourselves to do what we, deep down, want to do because we have to overanalyze every possible outcome before we take any steps. I hope that one day I am able to lead my daughters down a different path. That I am able to teach them how simplistic life really is: follow your arrow, my dear. But since that is many, many, moons away – I will start with you.
I hope that you understand how strong you are to even be taking the time to consider your life’s options instead of laying in bed crying about them. because remember, just a few months ago, you weren’t mulling them over. You were crying about them, in bed. And now look at you, you’re inspiring me. Not only in my daily life, but in my passion: writing. Talking to you has made me see how ridiculous females really are. You shouldn’t have to decide your fate with Him before you see him again. And your friends, society, the internet, the books, the movies. They shouldn’t make you feel that way either. You should be able to decide what you want to do as the days pass. You shouldn’t wonder if you see Him, how many friends you’ll lose. You shouldn’t wonder if one party or one dinner is going to rid you of the (amazing) progress you’ve made. You should be able to admit to yourself what you know in your mind to be true. And honey, it’s as clear as day that isn’t Cantino. (Pampermint sales aside). I’ve used this line before, but it’s too perfect not to mention again. I wish that I could use this tidbit as much as I preach about it, but I can’t. Something tells me the strong woman you are will be able to. “Advice, they say, is something we ask for when we know the answer, but wish we didn’t.” You, yes Y-O-U, you know the answer. You know exactly what it is that you want; maybe you don’t know how to get there. But that is what your friends are for. That is what I’m for. That is what this little blabbering rant is for. To help you get after what it is that you truly want. Knowing, no matter if you succeed or fail, you’ll be OK.
They say the first step of recovery is admitting you have a problem. They say that for a reason. Sometimes, if not always, the hardest person to admit things to is yourself. To know what you want and to obtain it are two very different things. I hope you find the courage to live the life you want, and I hope you understand the appreciation I have for you; you’re helping me me find and create the right life for myself.
Normally, at the end of something like this, I tie it all up in a neat little bow. I throw out my grand realization. The missing piece of the female puzzle I have finally uncovered. But today, I can’t find the right ribbon. I cannot piece together the perfect sentence. And maybe that’s because, like life, this is a work in progress. Maybe after our next visit, I’ll have a clearer picture, or maybe not. Regardless, there will be a next time. There will be another day. There will be decisions made. And I guess, if you think about it, that is progress enough.