“How unique to this human experience that we all just wish to be the most important thing on Earth to someone else.”
I re-found this quote today and coincidentally re-found this blog I wrote a few months before I moved to Reno at the same time. I think its quite mushy, and a little much, but I also think it’s adorable & real. So I wanted to share it with you all. Cherish what you have; whether it is a dream, a person, a cookie, a job, a pillow, a blanket, a pet, or a child. Because the things that make you come alive are the best things in life.
It always happens for me at the most awkward times. A realization. An ephiphany. That ah-ha moment. It comes for me when I least expect it, but when I need it most.
Today, I sneezed. Not once, not twice, but three times. And who was there to bless me? No one.
Wait just one second. Before you chalk this up to another rant about being lonely. &bla, bla bla. Listen. The thing is, this instance made me realize just exactly what it is that I miss when you are away. It’s been a cliché warning for as long as I can remember. Somebody is always there to tell you – “it’s the little things that make a life.” And I know now, that no matter how many times I roll my eyes, or curse the optimists who shove this information down my reluctant throat, it really is.
When you’re not here it isn’t the big things I miss about you. The things everybody would expect me to desire. It’s not the steamy sex, the delicious dinners & sharing the grueling chores that make me want you here. It isn’t the fact that I have to make 6 trips to the car to get all of my groceries inside the house, or the ridiculous act of making the bed by myself. (although those things do seriously suck). It’s the little moments, the minute things people take for granted, that remind me you’re away. It’s not having you here to bless me after I sneeze. Or to touch my little toes with yours as I drift off to sleep. It sucks that you can’t kiss my forehead when I want to cry, or scream. It’s the little trail of water you leave from the tub to the dresser, because you refuse to dry yourself off before you exit. & the teeny click of your contact case when you remove your eyes at night that I miss when you are gone. It’s something about the way you always go to the same choice phrase when something pisses you off (fucking dammit) and the perfect side smile you get when you’re truly happy. It’s in the way you always compliment me when I least expect it; when we’re driving down the road or barely waking up in the morning. I miss the way the curve of your body feels underneath my fingertips, and the butterflies I still get when I smell your cologne – the few times you actually wear it. It isn’t necessarily all of the pictures we have, but the way I don’t have to force you to take them with me. & the way you’re always ready to do something to make me happy. A charicature, another pointless trip to the mall, or starbucks. It’s the way you somehow make me less crazy. & the fact that you don’t like sweets!
I miss you, one way or another at every single moment of the day – and I don’t want you to ever second guess that. The little things that make you, you, are what I miss the most. They’re what I will never see, or be able to find, in anybody else. And it is because of them that I don’t only miss you, but love you, with everything that I have.
So please. Please don’t be discouraged or afraid of what we will be when we are finally together. It’s not the tedious or daunting tasks that I won’t be able to handle on my own. Cleaning the floor, the shower, and the windows. Sharing you with your friends. Leaving you to yourself. These things won’t hurt us. The little things, the personal things you do, are what I long for. And what I will cherish even when you are – finally – only a few miles down the road.
& now, I’m here. I have all of those little things. and somehow, I still manage to take them for granted. So here’s to this wake-up call. To remembering this lesson I taught myself months ago and have somehow forgotten. Here’s to the little things. The little things that make the big things possible. Here’s to us, and our future. & to cherishing what we have while we have it.