I am 1,000% sure that if anxiety took the form of a human being it would be me. Seriously. I freak out about ev-er-y-thing. And if you know me, you know that to be true. If you don’t know me, you should probably count your blessings! The slightest thing can send me into a “what-if” whirlwind. Sometimes, I have a hard time choosing what sports bra I want to wear to the gym, and mind you it’s only on for around 60 minutes (on a good day). I question every decision I am presented before I make it, while I’m making it, and long after it’s been made. From clothes and jewelry, to homes and food. Vacations, evening dates, Zero’s litter. Nothing is left out.
By definition, this awful process is: “a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.” Yep, that’s it. Anxiety. Anxiety can be a serious problem. It can hinder or prevent you altogether from enjoying life’s greatest experiences. If you’re lucky, once in a while something called necessity takes the backing out option right out of your anxiety plan. You’re not allowed to avoid or tip toe around the unknown. You’re pushed into whatever it is that scares you half to death. In my case it’s flying. Flying 2,604 miles across our entire vast Nation. And it’s approaching rather quickly.
In less than 48 hours I will be someplace unknown and foreign to me with countless people I have never met. I won’t be able to eat. I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll just be there, as my anxious, terrified, 5 foot 2 self. It really is a mystery how I haven’t spontaneously com-busted at the thought of this journey yet.
Contrary to popular belief & rational thinking, I am incredibly thankful for this opportunity. Somewhere beneath all of the fear and terror I am actually quite excited. A free trip (on the company tab) across the country is what many would call a dream. I hope to be one of those people — just as soon as it’s over. In the meantime, it’s a nightmare I cannot wake up from. It’s like childbirth. Whether or not you’re ready, it’s going to happen. I will pass through the gates. I will board the plane. I will take off, and (God willing) I will land.
I hope that you get the opportunity to experience something this epic so early in your year, too. I hope that you find the courage to leave an old love or an old habit behind. I hope that you finally lace up your tennis shoes and change yourself for the better. I hope that you eat something different, or visit someplace new. I hope that 2015 is everything you’ve never even dreamed of. And I hope you know I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
I hope to write more from the East Coast! So, definitely, stay tuned!
PS. I tried to sweat the stress away in the sauna today. Pretty sure it didn’t work, but it still felt great.