Comfort and change are two of the most opposing themes I can think of in life. To be comfortable, something is normally familiar. Comfort, it could be said then, is synonymous with a rather stagnant lifestyle. But life is anything but stagnant. Change is always there. The only consistent thing about life is that it is always different. The temperature outside, the speed of the car you’re driving, the hand in your palm, the heat behind one’s passion … These things are constantly changing. And we hope they change for the better. We hope they evolve. But eventually, comfort kicks in and we refuse to acknowledge the changes we are experiencing because they’re pulling us away from our norm. Away from the evolutionary path we expected. Sometimes so far away from what we expected we pretend they’re not happening at all.
We sit next to somebody and tell ourselves the way we are feeling must be how we are supposed to feel, that the decline in our relationship is normal over the substantial period of time we’ve been together. That it’s normal for us to fawn over somebody different, for a fleeting moment. That it’s normal for him not to miss us when we fly 2,600 miles away for 14 days. That hooking up fizzles out over time. But it’s not normal. Change never is.
Two things happen in life. Things change for the better, or for a reason. When things change for the better, we remain comfortable. We embrace the new things coming our way without hesitation. We manage to keep a certainty about our life and the direction it is taking. The moment that starts to fade, the moment changes make you weary, that’s red flag #1. And the minute change becomes all you know, the instant you begin to wonder if things should feel better, they should. And it is in that very instant that you need to somehow find the strength to make something happen. But as I recently found out, that’s about as easy as scaling Half Dome. In a snowstorm. Alone. Admitting defeat, cutting ties, changing your own life — it all goes against the human grain. Nobody wants to admit that they were wrong. That despite all of their efforts, Fate won anyway. But the truth is, that’s the way it works.
We have A LOT of choices in this life — what kind of shake we’ll have with our fries, where we should stop for our cheat meal, how many minutes we spend on the stair stepper, perfume we wear, the colors at our wedding, what time we wake up — but who we choose to love & when isn’t one of them. It isn’t one we can fake. Or force. The wrong puzzle piece, in this case, simply will not fit. And it’s devastating. It’s one of the hardest things to accept. But you can’t dwell on that idea. The longer you wonder what went wrong, and when, the less time you have to make yourself happy. To be creating a lasting, genuine bond with the right one. The longer you remain stagnant, the longer you fight the current of Fate, the longer you’re unnecessarily exhausting yourself.
You have to find comfort in the constant rhythm of this non-constant life we live in. (Talk about difficult). You have to rearrange your furniture, take down & replace every photo, deflect every painful reminder, stay up late making new memories with old friends and entertaining new possibilities. You have to promise yourself you’ll always follow your heart, no matter how much it might hurt you or another person. It’s true, we are all very scared to admit an issue or bring up a problem because we’re what if we’re wrong? And sometimes being scared, fighting fear, it keeps us safe. Fear can be this blinding beacon directing us away from what may severely harm us. But as I’ve recently found, sometimes fear holds us back. Sometimes everything we’ve ever wanted is just beyond the fear. Right on the other side of this giant, intimidating mountain we all better know as “change.” Beyond the comfort you’ve been reluctantly embracing is your fairytale. It’s there — Your dream; Your life. Outside the four walls of the home you’ve always known, in a new office with a different company, in a car at a stoplight across the nation. It’s out there. You’ve got to remember that. You’ve got to remember that your life isn’t hidden in the complacent place you find yourself. It’s out there somewhere waiting for you.
You’ve got to remember this. & recognize that if you choose not to chase this dream, if you choose not to move with the current, you’ll drown.
Hang in there,
P.S. Never forget; “How long they choose to love you will never be your decision.”