I’m pretty sure we need a new name for “Red Flags.” For the things and moments we experience in life that open our eyes to the true colors of a person; to our true feelings about a situation. We give them this undeniable title. Red Flag. That indicates these moments should scream WARNING. They should be enough to deter you from the moment, or person, or situation, or job you’re facing. They should wake you up to reality. Pull you away from what you want to see and instead show you what is. But they don’t. They’re more like potholes. Or we treat them that way at least. We drive over them, full speed ahead, despite the discomfort & damage they’re bound to cause us. And we pretend that we don’t.
Somebody finally tells us we’re the one & instead of getting weak in the knees, & jumping up and down, we write, explaining to the world that we do not really believe this fact. What? That should probably wake you up to the undeniable fact that you’re (in fact, ha) NOT the one. When it’s right, it’s right, & it really is that simple. So you’ll feel it. You won’t question it. Or need to hear it every day. Because you’ll know. And I didn’t. But I sure pretended like I did. I let the whole world know. Why?
We reluctantly share our Life with somebody for months and months when we’re miserable. When we’re not happy. We don’t communicate. We don’t have fun. We don’t miss this person when they’re not around. We don’t need them anymore, and we’re learning they’re not right for us. Yet when we finally find the courage to walk away, we remain emotionally attached. Still unsure if we made the right decision. That misery, that pain & uncertainty — RED FLAG. It’s not a slight warning that maybe you need to change; that things need to be worked on. It isn’t a minor lapse in connectivity or one bad morning. It’s an everyday feeling you cannot manage to shake. It’s a huge problem staring you in the face that you refuse to look at. It’s a red flag!
Then, there’s cheating of course. I can’t believe I’m even going to entertain this idea. Biggest Red Flag of them all. & what do we do? We forgive. We pretend it didn’t happen. We tell people they can have a second chance, a third. What? Are you kidding me? He (or she) blatantly chose somebody else when they vowed to always choose you. And you choose to accept that? To forgive & forget & grow and move on. No. If you were the right one, he wouldn’t have left. or strayed. Not the first time. Not the second time. Not ever. R E D Flag.
You’re talking to somebody new and you put in this valiant effort. You set aside a chunk of your precious, personal time and you say “Hey, do you want to talk to me?” & they say “No.” And what do you do? You make an excuse! Your friends help you make excuses.Oh, “he’s not ready.” Oh, “he’s scared. He’s afraid this isn’t going to work.” Oh, Give me a goddamn break. When somebody doesn’t want to talk to you, that’s a RED Flag. He’s not scared. He’s not worried. He’s not just not ready. He’s not into you. But there you are, pretending he’s working on his own issues & will come around in time.
There you are in Denial.
I get why they’re called red flags, I do, but what I don’t get is why it seems that we only see them this way in hindsight. They are in our face constantly telling us what to do & we’re like racehorses, running toward our desired end point with blinders on. We can’t see all of the signs alerting us to trouble because we’re too focused on where we’re trying to end up. Which in theory is beautiful. Chase your dreams no matter what obstacles you encounter. But in reality, that type of determination just proves we’re all a little crazy. Human beings, we must be. Denying these obvious truths, I think, is a detrimental human flaw. One we must first acknowledge, then overcome. I’m damn sure a vast majority of us are too educated to be that oblivious to all the blatant shit staring us in the face.
I challenge you. C’mon; Come out of the denial. Acknowledge the red flags. Open your eyes. don’t be an asshole.