Love at first sight

Yesterday morning on Kelly & Michael (yes my favorite god damned show) they talked about love at first sight. There were over 50% of men & just under 50% of women (of those surveyed) who said they believe in love at first sight. Of course this study was intriguing to me on so many levels.

A). Clearly if you’ve read any of my previous blog posts you already know I’m obsessed with the idea of love. It’s nauseating.

B). According to pop culture it’s real. Let’s review some lyrics “I was enchanted to meet you.” “The first time I looked in your eyes I knew.” “Back to a first glance feeling on New York Time.” “You had me from hello.” “Maybe just the touch of a hand.”

C). It made me wonder which side of this theory I live on. Do I believe in love at first sight?

A lot is said about love. Some say love happens when we least expect it. Others say it happens slowly but surely over time; they claim you fall. And the real romantics say it shows up in the blink of an eye. One day over coffee, or while you watch him brush his teeth. They say you’ll realize that you love him when you see the way he is with kids, or when she offers to pick up the tab at dinner (even though you don’t let her). Can it happen for some people, though, right away? Instantaneously. I think I want to believe that it can.

I don’t know what they mean by “when you know, you know” because I’ve been wrong. When I knew, apparently I didn’t really know. Because here I am, alone. What is it that they all feel that I keep missing? That I keep getting wrong?

What I think I know is this: I might not believe in love at first sight; but my God you made me want to. If there was ever something that made me believe, it would be the rush I got through my entire body the day my eyes, scanning that populous room, landed on you. It would be the hope, against all odds, you instantly gave me where I didn’t think any would be found.

Love at first sight, or maybe second glance; I want to believe in that. Why else wouldn’t I have been able to leave without seeing you? I couldn’t. I couldn’t walk out of that building without making some sort of gesture toward you that would clue you in to the way I was feeling. Even though it was ridiculous. & terrifying. I gave myself a pep talk & I gave that non-TSA approved water. I secured what some might call fate, with a small but grand & necessary gesture.

Maybe there isn’t such a thing as love at first sight, but I truly believe there’s something. I believe there’s hope, and potential, and attraction; an unspeakable bond. I know there is because I felt these things when I looked at you. When you walked in late with that East Coast chill flushing your face, and lingering on your coat. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t not smile. I couldn’t sit still. It wasn’t love because that would make me crazy (to 50% of the surveyed population). But it was something.

I believe in something at first sight. I wonder if it’s possible to fall in love or lust or become infatuated with somebody at first sight, though, and it not mean anything more than that; that you fell.

Do you think we might fall alone sometimes? They say you cannot choose who anybody loves; you can only choose who you love. But the more I think about it, the more I think that when it comes to love nobody really has much of a choice at all. I wouldn’t choose somebody unattainable & out of reach (literally) for myself. I wouldn’t choose my polar opposite; somebody that hates constant communication and extended human interaction. Somebody afraid and guarded. But life chose you for me. And I guess that’s what I believe in. Life chose you at first sight for me.

And maybe the beauty & intrigue, maybe the fascination & fantasy, lies somewhere in the idea that I don’t get to know why.
At least, not yet.



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