Raw.

I had a moment today when I realized I missed him – just missed him. I didn’t miss him because I wanted someone here in some specific way. Like because I wanted someone here to watch a movie, or go for a walk. Not because I made too much food. or wanted someone to play with my hair. I just missed him because it’s been a while since I’ve seen his face. And I think (well, probably), I’ll look back at this time in my life some day and I’ll rack my brain trying to remember how it felt to miss someone so much. I’ll wonder how I held onto nothing for so long. And why? But right now, it’s all I know.

A friend of mine sent me an article tonight; Six Signs You’re Not As Meant For Someone As You Think You Are.
and here’s the kicker, it didn’t help me – at all.

I have an admiration for people who can look at a list and alter their life based on the rational observations of someone else. Because, I cannot do that. I cannot find something – even if it makes complete and total sense – and alter my life accordingly, especially not when my feelings are involved. I almost wish I could, because it would spare me a lot of pain. But I just can’t.

The article slightly touched on the idea that when the Universe sends signs your way, they’re likely garbage.
But I say if you believe in fate – those signs are not easily disregarded. And I know many people argue that we attach meaning to things that seem right, and ignore signs and actions that don’t fit our mold – and then we call that fate. And that might be (is) true, but it doesn’t make our faith any less easier to neglect.

I knew someone, very recently, who did nearly everything I thought I wanted a man to do, and when I was around him I felt zilch. And (you knew this was coming), I also know someone who has very few qualities I thought I wanted in a guy and he’s my current hangup. Nothing is rational when matters of the heart are concerned – and that’s the only rule. There are no rules.

I think, contrary to rational checklists, it goes like this: you like someone until you just don’t anymore. Until one day, you wake up and you’re like “John/Jane who?” Maybe because they change; or because you change. Or (in the fairytale sense) because one of you has died. But I don’t think a romance will ever begin or end because of one too few checks on a list, or a set of rules.

What’s that saying?
“Nobody else can tell you what love is. It’s something you have to define for yourself.”

and once you find it; you’ll know. Trust me.

.xo.

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