Attention v. Appeasement

I haven’t had inspiration strike me in the right moment in quite a long time. I get very emotional, and very insightful, and very wordy – just recently, never altogether.

Until tonight.

There are people in this world who will want to talk to you. Who will enjoy hearing your voice, and your ideas, and your dreams and even your complaints. They’ll call you to say good morning, good afternoon AND goodnight. They’ll tell you about their day even when you don’t ask (or care). They’ll learn you inside and out – so that they can pick up little trinkets for you when you’re not around; surprise you with your favorite meal when you’ve had a bad day; refill your favorite cologne or perfume before you even notice that it is empty. I am these people. But not everybody is.

I discovered that (if you want to remain sane) you cannot make someone into this person. You cannot force someone to care about what you’re doing if they’d rather care about themselves. You can’t expect them to learn who you are, when they’re still trying to learn who they are. And you cannot – no matter how badly you wish on Saturday night when you’re lonely, and cold, and on the verge of tears – you cannot beg and plead for them to be this person for you. If you fail – and you may – beware.

For a while, it will feel great. You’ll see their face or hear their voice or feel their skin and you’ll be happy. Elated even! You’ll be on cloud 9. Until you aren’t. Until you realize (and you will) that you only got what you wanted because they could no longer bear to turn you down. Because they ran out of excuses to not pick up the phone, or get in the car, or take off their pants. They’ll appease you. And though the attention will fulfill your current desire, appeasement in the long run is not fulfilling whatsoever. It’s demeaning, and it’s harmful, and it’s toxic and it’s rude.

I encourage you to search for your people. The people like you. The people who give you what you need to be happy before you have to ask for it. Who give you the things you never even had the time to figure out you were missing. The people who willingly dell out attention and affection and kindness and love. But – if you’re cursed (like me) and you somehow simply cannot find these people, or you accidentally find someone else, do everyone a favor and accept what you are given instead of searching for what you thought you’d find.

It’s the only way.

.xo.

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One thought on “Attention v. Appeasement

  1. Just a heads up – I’m probably gonna be reading through your old blog posts whenever I get the chance because I like the way you write and the things you have to say. It’s refreshing.

    Liked by 1 person

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