The Moment Before.

“Well,” said Pooh, “what I like best,” and then he had to stop and think. Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.

Who would have thought that at 27 years old, my feelings would be best described by a children’s cartoon. Winnie the Pooh was onto something with this one. He’s right. He’s so right. Shall I elaborate? Okay.

I have been giddy as a school girl all. day. long. today. And I really don’t have much reason to be. I didn’t win the lottery (unfortunately) or get a promotion. Nobody asked me out on a date. The first snow didn’t fall (although, that will be coming soon, YAS)! Nothing in particular took place in reality. But in my mind, the possibilities have been endless! I met someone – ugh yes, of course a boy – recently. And I don’t know much about him at all. I don’t know his favorite color, or any of his hobbies. I don’t know where he grew up, or if he has siblings, or pets – or if he’s even into girls (oh please, oh please, oh please). I don’t know if he’s engaged, or single.  I don’t know if he thinks I’m pretty, or weird, or if he thinks about me at all. I don’t know a lot more than I actually know; but what I do know is that he’s tall. And he’s handsome. And he’s stuck. In. My. Head. And I know that all day today I could not stop thinking about the next time I would see him. At one point when he crossed my mind, I was walking back to my desk at work, and the cheesiest grin spread across my face. (Good thing nobody saw me, they’d probably send me to a psychiatrist because not a single other soul was even around)! And when I got into my car to head home for lunch, I literally broke out giggling. Just sitting there, laughing, all alone, with some super sappy predicable country song blaring on the radio.

And at that moment I thought to myself “This.”
is why we always, always, always give love one more chance. The uncertainty of it all is exhausting, and scary, but it’s also mind-numbingly beautiful. It’s hopeful, and insane, and romantic, and cliché. At that moment, giggling in my car, anything was possible for mystery man & I. Literally anything!
There’s something about that moment when you’re sitting there on a leather seat in the freezing cold giggling about a boy who has no idea you care about him at all – something that makes a part of you feel a little crazy…but a bigger part of you feel whole. At least, a bigger part of me did. You realize in that moment why people get married. You remember that fairy-tales DO exist. And that most of the time, the guy you meet at the gym is just the guy you meet at the gym. But all it takes is that ONE time he turns out to be something more. That one time he isn’t just a fleeting moment of hope on a shitty Monday. All it takes is one person to be a husband, or a wife. One person to help all of your dreams come true. All it takes is that one moment of uninhibited giddy guilty pleasure to bring you back from the dark side. Out of your jaded hermit corner.

And maybe once you talk to him (or her) you realize they aren’t the way you thought of them at all. They’re mean, or they’re taken, or they’re just not for you. But the moment just before you realize that – that moment never changes. It’s always filled with just as much hope, and possibility as it has been since before your heart was ever broken. Since before you swore you were giving up. Before all of the turmoils and the tears.

And I think there’s something to be said about people – like me –  who manage to still find hope in these little moments of uncertainty. These little moments of giddiness in their car. These little moments that keep us up at night, and occupy our minds during the day. The moments that will probably fizzle, but will one day strike a flame.



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