Alright. I have been trying to avoid writing (explaining, complaining, ranting) about this because I don’t want to deal with the backlash. I already know what everyone is going to think – this is coming from a bitter place. The dark corner of my soul where unrequited love lives. The frozen depths of my poor, shattered heart. NO. This is coming from my brain. From the Medulla Oblongata. The Cerebral Cortex. The, well – wherever common sense lives.
Seriously people, pull it together. Pull your heads out of the asses of the people you’re seeing (dating, fucking, whatever). Fix your lives. Grow up. Adult.
Love is something that occurs naturally in nature, true.
Love is different for all people, true.
Love develops in the span of 14-40 days, when two strangers become 2 strangers with 6-8 weeks of memories, FALSE.
False. False. False!
I see countless people posting verbal validations, I love you’s, on social media to their girlfriends & boyfriends before the seasons have even had time to change. Your girl hasn’t even gotten 2 fresh Mani’s and you’re already in love with her? Are you serious? You know what you learn about someone in 6 weeks? Nothin’. If you start dating in the winter, you don’t know if she can even cop a tan at that point. If you fell with the leaves in the Fall (how romantic), 6 weeks later you don’t even know if he can handle a car in the snow. You don’t know what makes him tick, if he gets along with his siblings, or farts in his sleep. You don’t know if she waxes her mustache, can keep girl friends, or is a nut case (because I promise you, we hide this for much longer than 6-8 weeks). You probably haven’t been through a hardship together (unless you met in the ER, or at the cemetery), or a road trip, or on a plane. And you damn well shouldn’t have already met each other’s families – but, in this day & age, I’m sure you have. *heavy eye roll*
I simply don’t understand how people convince themselves they’re in love with somebody so fast. Well, that’s misleading. I can’t say I haven’t done it myself. So, I do understand how people convince themselves they’ve found Love in a hopeless place. (clearly I was 150% wrong because here I am single AF, again). What I don’t understand is WHY we convince ourselves we’re in love. Why, when we meet someone who makes us giggle, we lose every ability to make any rational decisions at all. Why we think we’ve finally found it (again), when we’re really just having some solid, sexy fun. When, realistically, we’re just glad we met someone who isn’t boring, stinky, and short.I think we get greedy. & confused. We get trigger happy.
I’m not heartless. I love love. You all know this. So, I get it. I completely understand that when you like someone, it’s natural to want the rest of the world to understand how you feel. I understand that you want everyone & their mother’s to see the two of you happily combining your lives. Highlight the transition from me, to we – the magical mesh – with endless photos of the two of you canoodling. (As if we haven’t all seen enough greyscale kisses on cheeks). You want to verbalize your emotions. And you know what, that’s fine. It’s all fine and dandy – until the L bomb. This is where you lose me. When cute pictures & walks in the park equal being in love. I have a really hard time believing it’s natural to Love somebody else as quickly as most couples do these days. I think that people are really just afraid to be alone. (I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again). So afraid that as soon as someone gives us a backward glance, a comment on our blog, a spot at the gym – that’s it. We are convinced the stars have finally aligned. Our souls were split by God when he created our beings and by golly we’ve somehow finally found each other.
Nooo. No. No.
I prefer to believe that Love is something that develops. It’s something that you fall into. That you build & create over lengthy periods of time. Don’t convince yourself that just because somebody makes you dinner & holds your hand at the movies, this means you’re in love. Nor when they stay the night. Or remember your drink order at Starbucks. Or send you flowers. You don’t love somebody because you don’t mind doing nice things for them. I do nice things for my customers at work all of the time. I’m not in love with a single one of them. I spend time with & do nice things for people I don’t even care for, because I’m not an asshole, and my mother raised me right. It has nothing to do with Love.
Love isn’t something out there waiting for us behind a rock like a hidden Easter egg, in a neat little package tied up with a bow. It’s not pre-formulated. It’s not simple. It’s treacherous, and trying, and should be treated as the rare gem that it is. It shouldn’t be forced, or fabricated, or shoved down the throats of everyone on the outside looking in; who like your posts & talk shit about you behind your back. It should be magical, and leave you awestruck. It should be something that you keep to yourself, at least for a little while. Try 16-19 months, a solid year or two, instead of 6-9 weeks. Please. For the sake of everyone around you who still wants to believe it really exists. For me.
I’m sure some of you are sitting there cursing me. Negating everything I’ve just said because you know someone who knows someone who got married after 6 months of dating, and are now celebrating 72 years of marriage. Good for them! I know these people. I know some of us will fall in love super quickly, and manage to make it work for 50+ years. But those people will be the exceptions. It doesn’t work like that for the majority of us – sorry! People need to learn how to differentiate between a fling, and forever. They need to learn that everyone else doesn’t need to know about something in order for it to be real.
They say you have 3 great loves in your life. But at this rate, most people I know will have 300. Don’t be most people.
PS. NP: Grow Old – Florida Georgia Line #Goals