Boys Drool.

*Disclaimer: this is kind of raunchy.

BOYS – do you understand how easy it is to get a girl to sleep with you? Well, most girls. I’m pretty sure it’s been laid out in every romantic comedy ever (watch one).
Take her to dinner, kiss her goodnight.
Take her on a second date, bring her flowers.
Take her out for a late night drink. BOOM.
Three easy steps.
If your chemistry gets you to late night date #3, you’re pretty much set. But boys. don’t. get. it. Boys don’t want to exert any effort in actually pursuing a woman because she might get the wrong idea. She might fall madly in love with them in 48 hours, and cry hysterically for 3 1/2 weeks when he doesn’t call. Most of us aren’t that into you, either, asshole.
Instead, boys like to be “honest” and “upfront” about the situation they’re in. They tell us they don’t want anything serious at the moment, but still ask us to hang out. They invite us over late one night “just to chill.” To watch a movie, or relax in their jacuzzi. And they add – I won’t try anything, I promise. I’ll be good.
Pffffft.
Are you serious? If a boy invites you over to watch a movie or into his hot tub – and you’re both over the age of, I don’t know, 17? – it’s. going. down. (Unless you’re on your period, didn’t shave to purposely avoid the interaction, or are a virgin. And even then, it’s debatable). If she comes over, it’s happening. If she already said she doesn’t want to hook up with you right now, and you invite her over in this fashion anyway, you might as well put your Weiner back in your pants where it belongs. Seriously! I’m telling you, right now, female to male – if you want to get laid, go for the old fashion approach. Woo her. Court her. Let the interaction play out. If you tell her later you don’t want anything serious, she’ll probably be pissed that you lead her on, but you’ll get laid & don’t want a relationship anyway – so what do you have to lose? If you’re going to be honest from the get go, & attempt to lay a girl without any strings attached, don’t resort back to being a liar when things don’t go your way. Don’t pretend you can – all of a sudden – not be a man whore. Don’t. Do. It.

I’m a little flustered at the moment, if you couldn’t tell, because at my age, I really shouldn’t be dealing with this shit anymore. I can’t believe I even have to write this blog. Or squeal this rant, I should say. Can we all please, for my blood pressure, just act like adults? Can we just look at someone and say: Hey – I like you. I don’t want a relationship, but I want to hang out with you. Come over. And then allow the other person some time to reply with how they feel about that proposal. OR say Hey – I like you – I want to buy you dinner sometime, or coffee. You up for it? Can we all just please stop trying to manipulate other people? Stop trying to convince yourself your aren’t going to lay her. Stop trying to convince him you aren’t looking for anything serious. Just. stop. pretending.

It’s perfectly fine to have casual sex until you’re ready to settle down (if you’re safe). It’s perfectly fine to sit at home alone until you’re ready, too. It’s fine to not know what you want, and to tell people that. What it’s not fine to do is lie to get your way. Feelings are so personal, so raw & deep & confusing – we owe it to ourselves to let them be what they are – whatever that may be – no matter how complicated that is.

Don’t be a fuckboy. Don’t be a snatch.
Be a human. For fucks sake. (no pun intended).

.xo.

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