I came across the above image a few weeks ago, and I HAD to save it. It encompasses my feelings. 100%. “I can’t wait to marry my best friend,” is a very, very common statement.
And I hate it.
I don’t know why I hate it as much as I do. I know it has a lot to do with my personal opinion of what a best friend actually is, but not completely – which will make sense in a little bit (hang in there).
Part of it is because of the idea the above picture emphasizes – I, too, think that your best friends are usually the same sex as you. They’re the people you’ve confided in for years, and years. Who know you inside & out. They know what you look like when you’re crying. When you’re confused. When you’re irritated, elated, and scared. Best friends are people who know our biggest fears & all of our hopes and dreams. The people we can talk to about poop. They don’t judge us, but know when we need them to force their advice on us. People we fight & make up with. People we nag about our significant others too. Who know how fast we fall, and that sometimes we fake it. That sometimes we kiss people, even when we don’t want to. Who the good, and bad, kissers are. Who know we really didn’t like our soon-to-be-husabnd very much at all until date 4. At least, those are who my best friends are.
Your husband, or wife, is someone different. They’re someone you build a life with. Someone you have children with. You populate the Earth with this person! You take annoyingly cute pictures with them. Have hot sex with them (I hope). Take them to meet your family. Miss them when they’re off at work, and make dinner with them when they get home. They’re the people who snore and keep you up at night. They’re your husband. Or your wife. And that, in my opinion, is title enough in itself. They don’t need to also be your best friend.
Your best friends are the people who you text at 3:47am when his snoring woke you up – yet again. The people you text when she’s having a meltdown over nothing, yet again. The girls you get to show off your engagement ring to, and who plan your all of your showers – bridal, bachelorette, and baby. They’re the boys you go mudding & smoke cigars with.
A few years ago, I made what I would later learn was a bad move. I dated my best friend. Although he was the opposite sex (which kind of contradicts everything I said above), he was a very good friend to me. He knew everything. He knew how crazy I got over nothing. He knew how my hair looked when it wasn’t brushed. Everything that I was afraid of. He knew the kind of man I wanted, and the kind of boys I talked to. He knew how hard I worked, and how lazy I was. He knew everything I’d ever written. He was a really important part of my life. My sounding board. And because he wasn’t a girl, he had perspectives I needed to hear or see that my female friends couldn’t give me. He was hilarious, and we had probably close to
a zillion 200 inside jokes. He always had really fun hobbies, and would send me awesome pictures. He also had the best fucking jobs. I realized I liked him in more than just a friendly fashion when I would get jealous anytime he talked about what girls did for him, or what he did for girls. (Baking cookies in particular, ugh). The ins & outs of how we got together and how it ended aren’t really important – well, not for this blog anyway. But, what is important is the fact that in addition to my feelings above, he’s another reason I do not think you should date or marry your best friend.
You all know that I’m single, so clearly it didn’t workout for us long term. And I really miss the relationship we had before the actual relationship we had. I miss being able to call someone and bitch about the assholes I’m dealing with. I miss the fun pictures, and the inappropriate jokes (and the inappropriate pictures & the fun jokes). I miss the stories about his hobbies and his job. I miss sitting in my sweats at his parents house watching movies. I miss the coffees he would make me, and the random dinner dates we would have. I miss the golfing. and the singing. and the jealously. I miss the whole thing.
I miss him.
Maybe, if you give it a shot with you best friend, it’ll work out beautifully. You will fall in love & get married. You’ll get a dog, buy a beautiful new house, and have a daughter. But if it doesn’t work out that way, you’ll lose – well, everything.
Given the chance I don’t think I would ever go back in time and un-date him, because being with him gave me some of the best memories of my life. But at the same time, sometimes I wish we never went there. The memories I have will never go anywhere, unless I get amnesia. But he’s gone. and I really wish he wasn’t.
Don’t marry your best friend, you’ll lose them.
And don’t lose your best friends when you marry your husband or wife, either.