(I’m using speak to text & posting this from my mobile because in a fit of rage I terminated my Internet services provider, not realizing I wouldn’t have new Wifi until Monday. Pardon any and all errors. I will edit more thoroughly tomorrow).
It’s no secret that January 1st carries with it a “clean slate” mentality. I think New Year’s is popular for a lot of reasons: the glitter, the unexpected kisses, the stay-up-past-our-bedtime, & snacks. But, I think, people mostly like to celebrate the New Year because it is a “chance to start over.” A universally acknowledged reset button on our lives, and ourselves. Which I agree with – to a certain extent. I think that the New Year brings a lot of fresh starts with it. New planner, new journal, new dates & events. It’s easier for us to let go of bad or undesirable habits when the year changes because, well, psychology. The same way it’s easier for people to start things at the beginning of a new week (diets, exercise). Our calendar system supplies us with convenient new beginnings, and I definitely don’t knock them. I love my new planner. My fresh budget. A Monday morning.
But – life doesn’t always work that way. Life doesn’t always align monumental moments with the calendar or the clock. And by doesn’t always, I mean almost never.
- My last breakup – March
- My Nana’s death – December 30
- My birthday – May
- My job – January 5
- My brother’s weddings – June, June, September
- A new crush – daily Oh, haha.
For these reasons – I’d say unconventional beginnings play just as big of a role in shaping our lives, maybe even a bigger one, then expected beginnings. They can happen a lot more often. And they do. There are a lot more 2nd-31sts than there are 1sts each year. A lot more Tues-Sun than Monday’s. And so on & so forth. You get the idea.
Have any of you heard that Taylor Swift song “The Moment I Knew?” She nails it. Say what you will about her, that woman is great at expressing her feelings with her words. And by her feelings, I really mean mine. If you don’t want to listen to the song, I’ll give you the long story short version: Someone didn’t show up when they said they would, to an event that meant a lot to her, and that was the moment “she knew.” Knew what? Well, that’s open for interpretation. Which is the beautiful part.
Change, for me, has always been rooted more in feelings than conventional moments. All it takes is one tiny action, or word, or disagreement – and my whole mindset shifts. One moment you don’t need me, when I assume you should. One moment you want me there when I thought you never would. One idea we share. One Happy New Year from someone. A “Miss you too.” A “No.” A “Yes.” An “I’m sorry.” Silence. Motivation. Immaturity. Deceit. I’m always teetering on the edge of every emotion I have. Probably not healthy. I really like a boy, and 26 minutes later I can’t stand him. I love my body at home, but in the mirror at the gym I look lanky and awkward. I want a new car, I miss my old one. I delete your message string, I want it back. I love the TV show, I’m bored. I want to travel, I’m afraid to get on the plane. Winter, Summer. Long hair, short hair. Marriage, or nah.
I think moments like these happen all. Of. The. Time. For all of us. (One might be happening for you right now. Look out). I’ve had 3 or 4 in the last couple of days myself (Yes, they sparked this). Sometimes they are trivial, sometimes they’re grand. Sometimes they last a day, & you revert back to your old self. Sometimes, they were exactly what we had been searching for and things remain changed for decades. Sometimes, allowing yourself to be confused & undecided is the change itself.
I think we should try to be more open to all of the little moments, like these, in our lives that make us take a step back & say “wait a minute…” Or “you’re a moron.” Or “Let it be.” If we listen to ourselves, we’d see that sometimes we need to change far before the world says it’s a good time. Before the seasons shift, before the dawn breaks, before everyone kisses & the clock strikes midnight. I think it’s just as important to accept the moments that change us throughout the year as the one monumental second but ultimately only means we need a new calendar.