Normally when I write, I come to the keys with some sort of end goal in mind. A lesson. A realization. Something to get off my chest. I usually need to help myself understand why something is the way that it is. So, I write it out. That’s how I deal with the tough things, the confusing things, the – well – pretty much everything in my life. Tonight, though, I don’t think that’s the case.
I had a good day today. I try to keep Sunday’s as low-key yet productive as I possibly can. Mainly because in order to function like a normal human being, I have to have some serious alone time before the week begins. Which is a new thing for me. I used to be all about doing stuff with other people all. of. the. time. Guess I’m growing up to be quite the introvert. Strange.
Anyway, today I woke up around 8:35AM and I was pretty tired & groggy still, but I knew if I let myself fall back to sleep I would be too rested this evening, & it would keep me up too late. I don’t deal well, with anything, on too little sleep, & I have to be up for work tomorrow at 6:15ish (aka 6:50, since I’m a snoozasaurus). So I hauled my ass out of bed & into the kitchen. Coffee! I gave coffee another try this morning. Usually, it makes me insanely jittery – so I avoid it. But there is something really enjoyable about waking up slowly with a cup off coffee on a Sunday morning. So I made a pot, with about 2 TBLS of coffee grounds (yep), and it was divine. Mmm. I drank my coffee & made some breakfast, started my meal prep, and swept the floor. When meal prep was done & the food was put away, I did the dishes and finished up cleaning my little home. Zero went out onto the patio for a bit, but not too long because he quickly realized that 30 degrees is not the business. #frigid
I put some music on the AppleTV and started some laundry. Which reminds me, I have the last 2 loads to fold. Crap. Hey, peckapalooza, if you’re reading this – want to help? HA.
I sat down on the couch for what seemed like .05 seconds, and Zero fell asleep on my lap. I hate moving him when he’s asleep because I am not home very often during the week & I feel like he misses me. Just let me think that. Anyway, after a while I talked myself into going to the gym, because I’m not going to gain back the weight/muscle that my anxiety has taken from me by sitting here wishing it would return. So, I made a snack and managed to change into my workout clothes & head to the gym. I had a pretty serious leg/glute workout – YAS – then ate a cheeseburger when I got home. Partly because I haven’t meal prepped hamburgers in a while, and partly because everyone tells me that. Constantly. “Eat a cheeseburger.” UGH. What I really want to say in response is “Go on a diet!” But I don’t. I just giggle & say, “yeah, I know.” I ate a cheeseburger today you mother fuckers! And I lifted heavy. Don’t hate the playa, hate her metabolism. #RantOver
A little later I took a shower, then made myself a peanut butter & chocolate milkshake, and now I’m sitting here chillin. Unwinding. Taking some time for myself, and all of you.
Being an adult is a really strange experience. You grow up, move out, start to pay your own bills, fall into all sorts of routines, and maybe love, make new friends & lose old ones… it’s weird. But it’s wonderful. I’ve had some tough days lately – feeling like absolute crap one moment, and perfectly fine again about an hour later. I should be a case on House. But most of the time, fortunately, I’m really happy with the life I’ve made for myself. I’m eternally grateful for all of the people in it, and the knowledge they’ve helped me uncover. I’m thankful that I am employed, and kind of truly enjoy my job. But I also really love my house. I love sitting at home on days like today when I don’t have to interact with a single other human being. I like not wearing pants, and eating milkshakes, and texting in the shower. I like writing about nothing, and falling in love with Seth Cohen from The OC.
I don’t know when I’ll gain the 6LBS back that I lost. When I’ll finally be able to conquer the snowy pass to get my car back. When I’ll hold hands with a boy & kiss him goodnight. Or when I’ll be able to enjoy a crowded party again – but maybe I don’t need those things to me completely happy. Maybe perspective, and learning to appreciate all of the things that are going right for me – right now – is what I really need. Maybe more of today is what I need. I guess that did become a lesson.
Embrace the good life.