I have had this draft saved for 2 years (thank you WordPress). And it has sat here. Empty.
Fairtytales ain’t real.
That is all that it has said.
That is all I could ever think to say about how I felt. But that was never enough. It’s hasn’t been enough, for 2 years. And so it sat here. Patiently waiting, but not forgotten.
Kinda like me.
Fairytales ain’t real. My brother told me this once. I was heart broken. and I texted him “I just want my fairytale back.” and he replied “Life is not a fair tale.” He meant fairytale, but I like the autocorrected version better. Sounds smart. Anyway – he said it. and I got mad. YES. IT IS. My life was supposed to be one, anyway, until my boyfriend left.
My friend said something similar to me. I was going on (again) about love. This time, about how I wanted to write my own love story. And he said, then write one. And I said I can’t, because I don’t know how it is going to end. And he said, “then make it up. Life isn’t going to be a fairytale.”
WHAT. What is with you boys? Yes huh. Life IS going to be a Fairytale.
Or is it?
Well, that was two years ago. And here I sit. And here it is: true.
Life is not a fairytale.
Not mine, anyway. I really truly believe that life is no longer going to be a Fairytale. I think I’ve touched on this before. How I don’t think someone is going to come riding in & save the day. Save you from yourself. Turn your whole life upside down, in the best kind of way. I think life is just life. Something that we are here to experience, and enjoy. I don’t think the sole purpose of life is to find someone to love. At least, not anymore.
People are constantly telling me that love shows up when you least expect it. When you’ve stopped looking. I know I’ve touched on this idea before, too. Forgive my redundancy. I don’t think that is the right outlook to have. I don’t think life should be about looking for someone else. Or waiting for them. Or pretending you aren’t looking for them so that they can finally show up. Or rubbing it in everyone else’s face when you have legitimately stopped caring about them arriving, and they manage to come anyway.
I think that life should be about you. Always. I think it should be about the places you want to go. The pictures you want to take. The songs you want to sing. Life should be about how much fun it is to sit alone on Friday night with a bowl of cereal and a blanket blogging about whatever you damn well please. It should be about looking forward to going to the gym on Saturday morning, then eating a donut. or two. or 35 cinnamon cookies. Life should be about the pure happiness a blissful snowfall at 7AM encompasses. About 117 degree sunshine. And all of the rainbows & scattered clouds in between. It should be about getting a manicure, or a massage, or spending 15 minute in the dry sauna. Running until you can’t breathe, then keeling over and laughing. Life should be about Bingo on Tuesdays, and staying up too late. Oversleeping. And headaches and tears. Life should be about work, and television. And voting for politicians. And hoping you run into a Celebrity in Lake Tahoe.
Your life can literally end at any moment. ANY MOMENT. Right now, even. It could end in a hail of gunfire, or a rapid car accident. Or it could end in 65 years after a really great day and a long nap. But it should never feel like it’s ending because it isn’t a rom-com. It should never be fueled by finding a lover. By getting married. By becoming half of two.You should wake up every single morning thankful for another day on Earth. Seriously! There is nothing cliché about it. It’s the truth. You should wake up every day and be grateful you are here on Earth, breathing, trekking to work, to pay your bills. And if you aren’t happy about doing that, then wake up and do something that does make you proud of the person you are. Change you career. Change your appearance. Go to Real Estate School. Lighten your hair. Grow our your bangs. Become a personal trainer, or a gym rat. Do whatever you WANT to do. Take the cute Polaroid. Have spontaneous sex on your lunch break. Tell her she’s beautiful. See if he picks up on the cue to kiss you. Smirk. and Giggle. And cry. and scream. Travel all over. Board planes, and trains, and stamp your passport.
Don’t be the naive 24/25 year old I was. Don’t be the typical American teenager who thinks her whole world is going to fall into place the minute a hott boy kisses her on the forehead & writes her a lengthy text message professing his love. Don’t be the guy who treats girls like shit because he’s afraid of commitment, or doesn’t want it. Or the guy who gives the pretty girl everything she could possibly want before she asks because his mother raised him right. Don’t make things official with someone because “that’s just what you do.” Don’t split Holidays & send flowers every week, because the movies lay it out that way. Just be human. Just take a long look in the mirror, and promise to be unapologetically yourself. For one day. Then maybe a week. Then pretty soon, it becomes a habit.
You wake up & you are no longer looking for something, or someone. You aren’t hoping the man scanning your groceries will lock eyes with you and Heaven’s Angels will sing. You don’t walk through the gym hoping your Nike Pros catch the eye of a very attractive yet somehow single successful professional. You don’t wait for him to text you & tell you he’s changed his mind. You don’t pray that she’ll be the one to say YES! You live. And you let time take time. And you accept love if it comes, and you let it go when it’s disappeared.
You don’t force it. and you don’t rush it. and you don’t hang your life on it.
Theres a quote (you knew this was coming) that says “Life isn’t always a fairytale, that’s why you should enjoy the moments when it feels like it is.” and I think that’s a much more reasonable outlook than hoping life turns out to be a Fairytale in its entirety. Be grateful for all of the moments in life that make you realize how lucky you are, and to Hell with the rest.
Life is not a fairytale. & I will sleep much sounder knowing this.