Sometimes, I really relate to that line from Knocked Up: This is just a long list of what not to do.

Life feels this way sometimes. Don’t text & drive. Don’t take more than an hour for your lunch. Don’t water the lawn on Tuesdays, we’re in a drought. Don’t eat past 7PM. Don’t have too much sugar. Don’t dip your broccoli in mayonnaise. Don’t let the dog on the couch. Don’t speed. Don’t run red lights. 5 Second rule. Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t interrupt people. No cussing. Use the crosswalk. You’re being too loud. Stop staring.  Am I right?
But, the funny thing is, these rules aren’t the ones that bother me. These make a lot of sense. They’re designed to keep us out of trouble; keep us safe. They protect our image.

The rules I have the most trouble with are the ones I set for myself.
Go to the gym Saturday, Monday, Wednesday & Thursday.
Don’t spend excess money.
Don’t eat out.
Don’t freak out.
Don’t overshare; no word vomit.
Don’t yell at Zero when he’s trying to cuddle at inopportune moments.
Eat a lot of calories.
Do not text him.

It’s Thursday, and I didn’t workout. Surprise! This is when the idea for this blog hit me. I got dressed for the gym. I even drove there. But when I pulled into the parking lot, I heard my mom’s voice. If she knew I wan’t feeling good, and I was heading for a workout anyway, she’d be so mad at me. I decided her voice in my head was right.
I have a long weekend ahead of me. Well, not too long, but an important one. We finally have a weekend free of snow over the pass, so I can head home to California to get my car back (woo hoo)! I need to be healthy for this.
I thought, on one hand, if I worked out tonight I might put too much extra stress on my body, and wake up in the morning with a full blown sickness. I don’t want that. I want to go home, get my car, visit my family, and feel good while I do it. We have another snow storm blowing in next weekend, so this is my only shot for a while. Plus, I have someone who wants to head down with me tomorrow so it works out great.
Meanwhile, on the other hand, I was beating myself up pretty seriously. I made it to 2 of my 4 scheduled workouts this week. 50%. That’s an F. Ugh. How did this happen.? Last week, 5 days. This week, 2. I also texted him. and I’ve done quite a bit of oversharing with people who are probably confused as to why I’m opening up to them about my life. And I yelled at Zero. But then I cuddled him extra because I felt bad.

 The point? I guess the point is that the hardest rules to follow are the ones I set for myself. Does anybody else have this problem? I don’t feel too bad when I text & drive, unless I catch myself (cash me ousside doh) in the next lane. whoops.  I don’t really notice if I talk with my mouth full, and I’m pretty serious about sticking to my allotted break times at work. But when I fuck up my own plans, when I break the rules I’ve set for myself, it really irks me.

I keep trying to remind myself I’m only human; change is the only constant; to accept the ebbs & flows – but here I am. Annoyed & ranting, yet again.




2 thoughts on “Rule(s).

  1. You’ve brought up a very great point Myka! I do have a hard time following the rules I set for myself. Honestly I think we all do. We all set our standards high because we all want the best outcome. Totally relate to your conversation in your head telling up should go to the gym even when you weren’t feeling well. Thanks for being open and honest!! 🙂


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