Sometimes, I really relate to that line from Knocked Up: This is just a long list of what not to do.
Life feels this way sometimes. Don’t text & drive. Don’t take more than an hour for your lunch. Don’t water the lawn on Tuesdays, we’re in a drought. Don’t eat past 7PM. Don’t have too much sugar. Don’t dip your broccoli in mayonnaise. Don’t let the dog on the couch. Don’t speed. Don’t run red lights. 5 Second rule. Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t interrupt people. No cussing. Use the crosswalk. You’re being too loud. Stop staring. Am I right?
But, the funny thing is, these rules aren’t the ones that bother me. These make a lot of sense. They’re designed to keep us out of trouble; keep us safe. They protect our image.
The rules I have the most trouble with are the ones I set for myself.
Go to the gym Saturday, Monday, Wednesday & Thursday.
Don’t spend excess money.
Don’t eat out.
Don’t freak out.
Don’t overshare; no word vomit.
Don’t yell at Zero when he’s trying to cuddle at inopportune moments.
Eat a lot of calories.
Do not text him.
It’s Thursday, and I didn’t workout. Surprise! This is when the idea for this blog hit me. I got dressed for the gym. I even drove there. But when I pulled into the parking lot, I heard my mom’s voice. If she knew I wan’t feeling good, and I was heading for a workout anyway, she’d be so mad at me. I decided her voice in my head was right.
I have a long weekend ahead of me. Well, not too long, but an important one. We finally have a weekend free of snow over the pass, so I can head home to California to get my car back (woo hoo)! I need to be healthy for this.
I thought, on one hand, if I worked out tonight I might put too much extra stress on my body, and wake up in the morning with a full blown sickness. I don’t want that. I want to go home, get my car, visit my family, and feel good while I do it. We have another snow storm blowing in next weekend, so this is my only shot for a while. Plus, I have someone who wants to head down with me tomorrow so it works out great.
Meanwhile, on the other hand, I was beating myself up pretty seriously. I made it to 2 of my 4 scheduled workouts this week. 50%. That’s an F. Ugh. How did this happen.? Last week, 5 days. This week, 2. I also texted him. and I’ve done quite a bit of oversharing with people who are probably confused as to why I’m opening up to them about my life. And I yelled at Zero. But then I cuddled him extra because I felt bad.
The point? I guess the point is that the hardest rules to follow are the ones I set for myself. Does anybody else have this problem? I don’t feel too bad when I text & drive, unless I catch myself (cash me ousside doh) in the next lane. whoops. I don’t really notice if I talk with my mouth full, and I’m pretty serious about sticking to my allotted break times at work. But when I fuck up my own plans, when I break the rules I’ve set for myself, it really irks me.
I keep trying to remind myself I’m only human; change is the only constant; to accept the ebbs & flows – but here I am. Annoyed & ranting, yet again.