Is Romance Dead?

I was talking to a friend last night, a very close & dear friend who knows me inside & out, and he said to me:
“I know you’re going to be upset about this and completely disagree with me, but I think love is as much a product of circumstance as it is of emotion.”

And he was right about two things –  I am upset. and I do completely disagree.
I think…

I mean, I get it. I understand that there are multiple people on Earth that we could fall in love with. There isn’t one single solitary person out there for everyone. The World is much too big for that. Sorry to burst your bubble –  if you think you have one soul mate out there on his white horse searching all across the land for you, you’re delusional. But I also really hate the idea that so many of us settle for an OK fit because we’re too chicken shit scared to wait for the right one. The perfect one. And yes, I do believe perfect fits exists. I don’t think anyone is perfect on their own, per say, but I do think two people can be absolutely perfect for each other. There’s a quote I thoroughly enjoy – it reads: Even the way you drink your coffee knocks me the fuck out. And I think that this is the type of feeling, the type of love, we should all strive for. That we should wait for. Be patient to find. and that’s saying a lot coming from me because I think I legitimately have 0% patience in my DNA makeup.
Q: When should you marry someone?
A: When even the way they complete mundane tasks makes you swoon.

The topic came up because said friend told me that there was someone else he’d consider marrying, other than the girl he’s engaged to. What? If there is someone else out there that you would rather be with, I think the person you’re with is the wrong one. I don’t necessarily think you’re unhappy – I just think you could be happier with someone else. And clearly, so does he. Yet, he’s staying. He’s continuing on. So I asked him, what gives? Why would you do that? Help me understand.
This is when he brought up the topic of circumstance. And, as much as I hate to say it, I get it. If you live in California, and you’ve met a girl there, who’s pretty, and makes your stomach flutter, who gets along with your family, and friends, has a good job, and a sweet heart – you keep her. But what happens when you meet someone who is all of these things – and more ? You just let her walk on by because you’re comfortable? Because she’s too far away & being with her would be hard? Because turning your world upside down might not be worth it? Because what if it doesn’t work out?

This is where I disagree, personally.
If you’ve read my blog before, you probably know one of my biggest fears is that I will meet the right one when I’ve already married/committed myself to someone else. I hope that if that were to happen, I’d be strong enough, and smart enough, and love myself enough to let the Bronze medal go in search of the Gold. But people don’t live this way. People don’t think this way. Someone is out there marrying my Gold because he’s her Bronze, and she’s too scared to not be on the podium. I feel like this is why the Bachelor hardly ever works out long-term. The Bachelor/Bachelorette choose the best suitor out of the batch they’ve been presented, not understanding there are a million other people out there that didn’t get selected. Do you really think out of all of the women/men in this World (or America, at least), one of the 30 contestants chosen will be the perfect fit for you? I suck at math, but I’d be willing to bet that has a very low success percentage rate. Who would watch the show if it didn’t end in an engagement, though? Nobody would. So these poor people are forced to choose someone. Anyone. They’re forced to settle.
It’s like when you’re a little kid and your mom says “We’re having lasagna for dinner.” But you hate lasagna. The cheese is gritty, the sauce is dry, and last time you ate it there was a beetle in your salad. You know what’s coming. You know what your mom would say next “Eat the lasagna or starve.”
The concept is the same: Choose 1 of 30, or die alone & miserable.

Love isn’t lasagna. It isn’t one meal. It isn’t something we should settle for, or live without. It is something that will be perfect when it is right. Something that we should never let our circumstances, or our past decisions, or our current lifestyles keep us from.
Move. Break up with Her. Quit. Cry. Board a plane. Scream. Try long distance. Give yourself some space. Go for the gold.

If you don’t want lasagna, make something else.

.xo.

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7 thoughts on “Is Romance Dead?

  1. Love takes time as well though. If you truly love one another things may not be perfect but you will do whatever to make it perfect. Communication and understanding is needy in a successful relationship. True if you are not happy with someone you should move along but if you can work it out….one should. No..never settle…but always work for the love you want.

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    1. Thanks for the insight.
      I just don’t understand why you’d decide to marry someone, if you like someone else too. As my dad says – you can’t have everything.
      Maybe it’s just the people around me who always make the wrong decisions…. Maybe I should move HAHA.

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  2. I’m not sure how I feel about the whole love thing. I want to say I agree with the whole “never settle” mentality. But then I look at my parents. My dad was a good man. Treated my mom well… loved, provided, all that wedding vow jazz. Then, 22 years into the marriage, she decides to leave because she “wants something more out of life.” Maybe I have such a hard time with that because I lump my sister and myself into the life that was apparently not good enough for her. I don’t know. Love is stupid.

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    1. OOF. that’s a rough spot to be in. I want to say that she didn’t mean you & your sister weren’t enough – but I don’t know her, so I won’t make any assumptions. Love isn’t stupid. My parents have been married 42 years, and a few of my brothers are truly happy. I just think you have to be patient, and mindful, before you settle down & utter those words. But if you think love is stupid, you must hate my blogs HAHA.

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  3. They say on average infatuation wears off after 3 years. Relationships are hard work Yes in the beginning it’s all butterflies and fireworks but the difficult part is keeping that alive, if you can keep that going strong that’s what stops you looking elsewhere! I don’t believe there is a right or better person for anyone, it’s your attitude towards your relationship that makes it what it it is! If you treat your relationship like you’ve got gold then that’s what you have!!!

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    1. That’s a very mature outlook to have – that it’s your attitude that makes it what it is. haha. I think it takes a balance of each – attraction, desire, and attitude, etc. One person can only accomplish so much with a positive attitude. LOL – but that’s just my opinion – and I’m single so what do I know?! HA!

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      1. I have lots of failed relationships under my belt to learn from, haha!! Maybe there is always someone who is more suited for each of us but what if you spend your whole life looking for him/her when you already have a good thing, even if it does mean settling for bronze, bronze is still on the podium haha!!

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