I was talking to a friend last night, a very close & dear friend who knows me inside & out, and he said to me:
“I know you’re going to be upset about this and completely disagree with me, but I think love is as much a product of circumstance as it is of emotion.”
And he was right about two things – I am upset. and I do completely disagree.
I mean, I get it. I understand that there are multiple people on Earth that we could fall in love with. There isn’t one single solitary person out there for everyone. The World is much too big for that. Sorry to burst your bubble – if you think you have one soul mate out there on his white horse searching all across the land for you, you’re delusional. But I also really hate the idea that so many of us settle for an OK fit because we’re too
chicken shit scared to wait for the right one. The perfect one. And yes, I do believe perfect fits exists. I don’t think anyone is perfect on their own, per say, but I do think two people can be absolutely perfect for each other. There’s a quote I thoroughly enjoy – it reads: Even the way you drink your coffee knocks me the fuck out. And I think that this is the type of feeling, the type of love, we should all strive for. That we should wait for. Be patient to find. and that’s saying a lot coming from me because I think I legitimately have 0% patience in my DNA makeup.
Q: When should you marry someone?
A: When even the way they complete mundane tasks makes you swoon.
The topic came up because said friend told me that there was someone else he’d consider marrying, other than the girl he’s engaged to. What? If there is someone else out there that you would rather be with, I think the person you’re with is the wrong one. I don’t necessarily think you’re unhappy – I just think you could be happier with someone else. And clearly, so does he. Yet, he’s staying. He’s continuing on. So I asked him, what gives? Why would you do that? Help me understand.
This is when he brought up the topic of circumstance. And, as much as I hate to say it, I get it. If you live in California, and you’ve met a girl there, who’s pretty, and makes your stomach flutter, who gets along with your family, and friends, has a good job, and a sweet heart – you keep her. But what happens when you meet someone who is all of these things – and more ? You just let her walk on by because you’re comfortable? Because she’s too far away & being with her would be hard? Because turning your world upside down might not be worth it? Because what if it doesn’t work out?
This is where I disagree, personally.
If you’ve read my blog before, you probably know one of my biggest fears is that I will meet the right one when I’ve already married/committed myself to someone else. I hope that if that were to happen, I’d be strong enough, and smart enough, and love myself enough to let the Bronze medal go in search of the Gold. But people don’t live this way. People don’t think this way. Someone is out there marrying my Gold because he’s her Bronze, and she’s too scared to not be on the podium. I feel like this is why the Bachelor hardly ever works out long-term. The Bachelor/Bachelorette choose the best suitor out of the batch they’ve been presented, not understanding there are a million other people out there that didn’t get selected. Do you really think out of all of the women/men in this World (or America, at least), one of the 30 contestants chosen will be the perfect fit for you? I suck at math, but I’d be willing to bet that has a very low success percentage rate. Who would watch the show if it didn’t end in an engagement, though? Nobody would. So these poor people are forced to choose someone. Anyone. They’re forced to settle.
It’s like when you’re a little kid and your mom says “We’re having lasagna for dinner.” But you hate lasagna. The cheese is gritty, the sauce is dry, and last time you ate it there was a beetle in your salad. You know what’s coming. You know what your mom would say next “Eat the lasagna or starve.”
The concept is the same: Choose 1 of 30, or die alone & miserable.
Love isn’t lasagna. It isn’t one meal. It isn’t something we should settle for, or live without. It is something that will be perfect when it is right. Something that we should never let our circumstances, or our past decisions, or our current lifestyles keep us from.
Move. Break up with Her. Quit. Cry. Board a plane. Scream. Try long distance. Give yourself some space. Go for the gold.
If you don’t want lasagna, make something else.