Hi Everyone!
Where the fuck have I been?
I don’t even know.
Trying to date? I guess.

I’ve been working out, and watching The OC (don’t even get me started on Seth Cohen), and since it stays brighter later in the evenings I’ve been going for sunset walks, or drives, to keep myself off of the sofa. I just realized nobody even asked where I’ve been, nor do they probably care.

But, aside from keeping busy with my own life, and visiting my family (because my niece hullo, have. you. seen. her) – I’ve also been dating. Or, trying to.
How the hell does anyone casually date in this World? Am I the only person on the planet who doesn’t know how to talk to multiple men at one time? Not at one moment, but within one time period? Say, I don’t know, a day? a week? How do you do this? How do you say “Good morning John,” and “Good Morning Joe,” and “I’m good Fred how are you?” and “I miss you too, Brad” and so on, and so forth. H-O-W?

No wonder Im single. Finding the right guy is hard! Too short, too hairy, too quirky, too tall (wait, no), too round, too flat, too horny, too feminine. I can’t keep up! And then, as if this isn’t enough to put me off, when I finally find one that I might actually like – their personality sucks.

There’s Date #1 who takes you to a coffee shop and presses PDA after you’ve already told him you don’t like that – AND IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME MEETING HIM. There’s Date #2 who’s quite amazing, actually, and you decide to add to your roster. But, do you like him more than Foundation guy? The one you’ve been seeing for months (and months) with no commitment? And then there’s Potential #3 guy who might be short, and only has one photo, so you’re skeptical of his actual look. And potential #4 guy who is more than likely a fuckboy, yet still high on the attraction scale. Plus, there’s the guy you like but are pretending you don’t because sake-of-the-friendship.
Is anyone else exhausted?
And it’s only. been. two. weeks.
Two weeks since I’ve had an App to meet men. and this is just about a 2 second glimpse inside my head. How does one date & work & sleep? fuck.

And just when you think you’re crazy for talking yourself INTO someone, you start talking yourself out of the only good guy you’ve met. Do I only like him because he’s being genuinely nice? Or, do I actually like him? Is he more intriguing because he didn’t maul my face off on our first date, or because of who he is as a person? Yeah, I like his hobbies and his job, & he’s attractive – but do I feel a spark? Is the spark even real? Some men swear girls made it up.
I’m insane, I know.

There are people who meet the right one, and fall in love. I know this because I know these people. They have beautiful babies, and beautiful homes, and beautiful happily ever afters. HOW. How do you keep the faith, weeding through the trenches? Fuhhh. Color me exhausted. I was talking to my coworker today about this whole dating thing, and she said “Isn’t it fun, having so many options?” and y’know what I said? I said NO. I’m not an options girl. Chocolate donuts. Chocolate Cake. Vanilla Ice Cream. Sappy Movies. Sunshine. I don’t like options. I like mundane routine. and I am ready to settle in with someone for the long haul – except, I won’t settle. So here I am. Pounding the keys, and pounding the pavement, and swiping all the screens.

I swear to God, when I find him, you’re all invited to the Wedding.
After hearing me out for this long, the least I can do is serve you some sheet cake.




2 thoughts on “Datin(o)g.

  1. I’m just going to repeat a comment you left on my blog. This is like reading my own thoughts! I haven’t attempted dating apps yet but this perfectly summarizes any time I start dating again after a breakup. What apps have you tried?


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