One.

One: Single; just one as opposed to any more or to none at all.

Isn’t it crazy how things really do change in the matter of one moment? One second, one day, one minute, with one person. Every single thing hangs in this balance between what is & what will be. Death, new life; finding love, or losing it; a promotion, a lay-off; an accident, a gift, a phone call, a touchdown, a goal. Every single thing happens instantaneously. Yet, we’re still surprised when change occurs.

I was reminded of this today.

Thrity-five of my coworkers were unexpectedly laid-off. What?! What do they do now? What do I do? How do you move forward? Do you spend the rest of the day counting your blessings, or missing your friends? I know that things could be much worse – I could have been one of the people let go. And I’m grateful that I wasn’t. But I’m also scared. I’m scared to go to work tomorrow. Everything is going to be different, and will continue to shift for weeks to come. I’ll take on new responsibilities, and report to new people. I’ll have to inform my customers that my partner is no longer with us. I’ll have to do more, and say more, and figure out how to be OK with that. Which, in the long run, I’m sure will work out just fine. I know change. I’ve lived through it. I’ve loved it, I’ve hated it and I’ve misunderstood it. I’ve grown to understand that it is inevitable. That it is the only constant. That you either move with it, or get left behind. But it’s still hard to accept, right? It’s hard to adapt to. It takes time, and courage, and requires us to carry on despite our looming fears.

Why, when we are so conditioned to the notion that things can change in the blink of an eye – can change at any. given. moment. – are we still so surprised when they do? For better, or for worse. One minute you’re pregnant, the next you’re a mother; completely responsible for the life of another human being. One minute you’re happily in love, the next you’ve been asked for a divorce. You’re riding down the dirt on you motorbike, and then suddenly you’re unconscious & in shock, bleeding with no recollection of who you are or where you’re at. You’re certain nobody will ever understand you, then you walk down the block & run into your perfect fit. These little seemingly worthless moments – seconds, we call them – happen continuously. There went one, just like that. Did your phone ring? Did a message pop into your inbox that you’ve been waiting for all day? Or, did nothing happen? It’s hard to know which is worse. The absence of change, or the sudden arrival of it.

I like to think of change as a positive thing. That a stagnant life is a boring one. The only things that don’t change are those that are lifeless. But, at the same time, I am cognizant of how daunting change is. How treacherous it can be to learn to live with them, the changes. I guess learning to live with something new is better than learning to live with the loss of everything old. Right? Right.
I really have nothing to bitch about. I’m employed. & I’m healthy. and I’m happy (for the most part).
I do wish I had someone here to listen to me rant from the other end of the sofa, but y’all will have to keep hearing me out for a bit. 

If there is anything I take from today it is this:
“I think about how quickly things have changed for me. But that’s the personality of change, isn’t it? When it’s slow, it’s called growth; when it’s fast, it’s change.”

.xo.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “One.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s