As I grow up, I’m learning there are lessons life will teach me over, and over, and over again. It’s like as soon as circumstances change, I forget everything I learned the first go around. It’s annoying, and I’m sure I’m annoying to others because I can’t keep up with the things I learn – but, I also think it’s fairly common. I think a lot of people forget what the bottom feels like, once they reach the top – y’know?
I’m learning that you shouldn’t tell anyone everything about anything. Boys, work turmoils, friend annoyances. None of it. Keep most things to yourself, unless you REALLY need the advice. (Or, have a great outlet for a specific aspect where you know you won’t be judged).
You shouldn’t tell people precisely how a boy treats you. and that you’re “so sick of it,” and “deserve so much better,” because when he takes you on a date & makes your heart flutter – you’re going to tell these same people how amazing he is. Except, they weren’t on the date. Their heart didn’t flutter. Their palms didn’t sweat. Their cheeks don’t hurt from the continuous smiling. They remember, all too well, what you droned on about for months: his shitty attitude & fuckboy tendencies. So now, when you’re finally happy, nobody wants to hear it. Nobody. Not even your mom.
I’m learning that we really should give up the notion that having ONE great aspect of a life makes up for everything you might be lacking. Love makes dealing with all other hardships bearable. Having a great paying job makes sleeping alone at night easier to handle. Etc.
It isn’t true. Just because one aspect of a person’s life is going splendidly, doesn’t mean they aren’t allowed to be upset about other shitty things that surface. I think its hard when you’re single to look at someone who’s married, and understand that they, too, have personal struggles. Or hard when you’re poor, to understand how a wealthy friend is in pain. Hard to empathize with a chunky girl, or a fit girl, or a skinny girl when you’re any one of the other’s.
It’s hard for me to relate to my coworkers, who have someone to go home to at night, drone on about how terrifying the recent work lay-offs are. I want to stand up and scream: AT LEAST YOU’RE NOT ALSO ALONE. If I get laid off, I can’t afford my NV Energy bill. If they get laid off, they will be warm & fed, at least for a little while. However, they’d still be unemployed. and I recognize, now, that no matter what is happening in any number of aspects of a person’s life, we kind of all face our troubles alone. Our pain is our own. and only our own. I wish, sometimes, I could transfer mine to someone else, or absorb a little of my friends & family members – but I can’t. We’re all individuals at our core, and we’re all entitled to a meltdown, even if we’re rich, in love, and/or blessed in any other fashion(s).
I’m learning that I’m allowed to change my mind.
Too often, I rant about things & then something happens & I completely change my view on them. But then I’m scared to tell anyone because I’ll look like a hypocrite. I’m learning that isn’t necessarily true. It’s okay to change your mind about things – anything – after you’ve gone through an eye opening experience, or read an insightful article, or endured a hardship. It’s OK to decide you don’t like hiking, after you’ve told countless people it’s your favorite hobby. It’s OK to decide you believe in fairytales when you F-I-N-A-L-L-Y meet a good man – after you’ve blogged about how you don’t anymore for weeks (or months, or years). It’s OK to decide you don’t want to go on a date after you’ve agreed to it. It’s OK to eat bread after you’ve given it up. Or to sleep with your phone on loud even if it keeps you awake. Or to do any other number of things you once decided you didn’t want to do anymore. Change is the only constant. And I think we need to remember that this statement encompasses all things – even people, and their preferences.
The point of this whole mess is that when I was out walking today, I had a LOT of things on my mind. Nothing too particularly positive. There’s the shift in my position at work, that might make me more bitter than I already was. There’s the boys I am meeting online, who keep getting worse instead of better. My family & friends back home, changing & growing without me. But despite all of that, I’m still here. & I’m still me. I’m the same person, with the same capable mind, whether I am on cloud nine, or in the gutter. I’m still Myka. I’m still naive, and bubbly, and sarcastic. Still determined, and driven, and opinionated. I’m still smart. Still strong. And still (kinda) cute. Our attitude about things says a lot. If we think change is scary & horrifying, that’s exactly what it will be. If we think our job is beneath us, and that we’re being taken advantage of, that’s how we’ll feel. But if we think that we are lucky – to have 2 feet that carry us across this gorgeous Earth; a job that pays us to do things well for 8 hours a day, provides health benefits, and breaks, and money into our 401K for retirement; the freedom to be with whoever we choose at any given moment – then lucky is what we will be.
Happiness & sandess & stress & joy are ALL temporary emotions. When people are feeling down, we always say “Just hang in there, it’ll pass.” But when people are happy, we never warn them that life will bite them again before they’re ready. I think if we acknowledge that our feelings can be altered at any given time, we’ll be less inclined to own them, and more likely to feel them briefly before we let them go. At least, I hope that’s the case. But, I’m still learning…