Lately, I have been so incredibly happy I have found myself almost in tears, twice. I don’t know how it happened, but I’d like to attribute some of it to myself. My positive outlook on life. How I somehow realized that as the days are flying by, each one brings me closer to the end of my life – which doesn’t sound too optimistic or happy when I get it in black and white, now does it? But somehow, it is. It’s the idea that every single day we have is a blessing. That no tomorrow is guaranteed. That when you look down at the clock and it’s 12:30PM, and you haven’t gotten up from your work chair to pee yet (not even once), you better fully enjoy whatever it is you have been doing for the past 4 1/2 hours – because there went 270 minutes you’ll never. get. back.
Life isn’t like a video game – where when things go terribly wrong, you can pull out the cartridge, blow on it, and try again. Life moves in one direction: forward. It doesn’t pause for us to catch our breath, or take a bathroom break. It doesn’t soften it’s jaws around our ankles when we scream, or slow down for the moments we want to revel in. It just keeps. on. moving. And if we don’t enjoy the moments as they’re happening, all we’re really doing is creating negative memories of our own lives. It’s like this silly piece of advice I once heard: your future self is watching you right now through memories. If that doesn’t inspire you, I’m not sure anything will. It’s selfish, really. But also inspiring. I never want to be falling asleep at night, thinking back on the moments of my life, only able to recall how full of misery they were. It’s really hard to take some things with a smile: death, bankruptcy, unemployment, heartache. I get that. But those things don’t usually all strike at once. When one bad thing happens – or as was the case in my own life 2 weeks ago, 3 or 4 bad things – we must have something positive to fall back on. Our hopes for the future, our memories of the past, or whatever great opportunities we’re currently living. We must quit shedding light on the horrors we endure, and instead boast about the blessings.
At least, I must.
I can’t be sad anymore. Or lonely. Or depressed. Or left-behind. My life is worth more than that. My parents didn’t brith me so that I could sit in the corner like an old wet mop. They brought me here to be happy. Fulfill my dreams. To buy new cars, and sleep with 5 pillows (I bet some of you thought that was going to say guys). To watch my favorite country singers from the front row, and do a job I enjoy. One that I take pride in – so much pride I’ll show up at 6PM on my day off to satisfy a customer. To fall in love with someone slowly over time, until I’m sure he’s the right fit for me. and my life. and my future. & to have a little fun with a couple wrong ones along the way. To travel, and try new foods. To visit oceans, and lakes, and hot tubs, and pools. To take polaroids, and videos of moments I want to remember. To eat donuts, and cupcakes, and ice cream – even when it isn’t a special occasion. To laugh, and sleep, and workout. To reproduce, if I so desire. & ride roller coasters, and drink icees, and singing really, really loud. To receive daisies, and tulips, and letters sent via snail mail. Do these things. If not for me, for your future self.
The older I get, the more I understand: Choose to be happy.