“Concerned with what is generally held to be acceptable at the expense of individuality and sincerity.”
I have been having a tough time recently with how I’m feeling vs. how I assumed I would feel. I’ve droned on, and on, and on, about how I would never rush into things when I met a boy. How I would never jump, and fall, and forget to be mindful. And, well, here I am. Here I am, a completely fumbling cliché. I have managed to hold onto the girl I was the past 2 1/2 years, but not very tightly. Not the way I promised I would when I found someone to share my life with. It’s been a bit of a monopoly. But, I feel like that will fade in time. Things are always very heavy & hard to navigate when they begin. For me, anyway.
But this isn’t only about what I’ve been doing. It’s about conventional thought in general. As human beings, we generalize how things are supposed to go. If people break up, one of the first questions they get asked is “How long were you two together?” As if time is the tell-all for how upset we’re allowed to feel. This leads us all to believe that the longer you were with someone, the more time you’ll need to move on. False, and misleading. Sometimes (most of the time, it seems), people are involved in new relationships before their old one even ends. I’m not saying that is right, I’m just saying it happens. The point is, we shouldn’t put a timeframe on the pieces of our lives that don’t require one.
My coworker & I were chatting about this idea today, and she mentioned something that I thought made sense. She said, we have to set alarms for all sorts of things; waking up, appointments, meetings, medication. There are some things in life we should just let flow. Relationships being one of them. It got me thinking, more so than I already was, about how many rules we put on everything. Don’t text back too fast, don’t move on too fast, don’t hesitate too long to kiss her, don’t take him to bed too quick. Don’t move in. Don’t spend every night together. Don’t share food. Here’s an idea: don’t listen to everybody else.
I love individuality. I love that we are all unique. I love that the things that make us different are the things that help us find our friends, and our partners. I love that I can look at someone and know, and that someone else won’t fall for a year, or a decade. I love that matters of the heart hardly ever play out according to plan. And I hate that many of us judge based on empty ideas that we regard as “generally held to be acceptable.”
I think that we’d all be much happier if we did what we wanted to do, instead of what we think we should be doing. Call. Visit. Sleep over. Leave. Text. Don’t base your relationship off of what looks good, or sounds good, or seems to be the consensus. Don’t base your life off of conventional thought. Be mindful, and smart, but also – be you.